alone again..alone in the crowd..

Again a nightmare! :p Anyways..that stage is over now. It was posted in Sunday, September 18, 2011 at 12:13pm

I see you. I feel. I smile.. I think if I try to be like you then my life will change, so I wanna be like you. But I can't stand upto my expectation. I try hard to wear the peacock feather. I wear, I dance, I dance more better the you. I win. Everyone happy. I smile again. But then I feel sigh. I fail. I feel sad. This was not real me. It was just an overcoat what people likes. Then what I will get doing all this, if at the end I know I'm not actually happy. I don't know what is more important to me. Your happiness or mine. I'm tired making you happy. I'm not happy. Leave me! Leave me alone. I don't want anyone. I want no one around me. I want to be alone. All alone for sometime.. :'(

The phase of life, we all have to face...

I wrote this in Tuesday, April 21, 2009 8:50:47 PM and that was posted in my old blog.

Alone....

..
..
..
..
..
Solitary....

I thought a lots and lots of times about it... I'm so much afraid to start.... I think I should mention some thoughts of great poets of my motherland...

He was Rabindranath Tagore. And here is what he wanted us to do being alone:-

If they answer not to thy call walk alone,
If they are afraid and cower mutely facing the wall,
O though of evil luck,
Open thy mind and speak out alone.
If they turn away,
And desert you when crossing the wildness,
O though of evil luck,
Trample the thorns under they tread,
And along the blood-lined track travel alone.
If they do not hold up the light when the might is troubled with storm,
O though of evil luck,
With the thunder flame of pain ignite they own heart
And let it burn alone.

There is a song in movie "Bose the forgotten hero"-where the first line of above poem is used very significantly... I didn't find the english lyrics of that song. So I can tell only the meaning of it...
"man is alone at embryo stage, man is alone at funeral pyre
Man is alone at duty, man is alone at paternity
And the time in between, it's the acting not to be alone"

Alas!! It's too bad. But I can't make it more better..



I feel that when I say I'm alone, there are really few reasons... Which are not particular reasons for true loneliness...
I feel it when there is a good thing in front of me to feel or realize and I do that but I think if there was someone with whom I can share.. But there is no one... So it feels lonely to me..

Sometimes I'm bored sitting in my room on a rainy day, if there was someone I can talk with or chat with may be I was not so bored... It feels I'm alone...
Like above sometimes I've many things to express. But no one is there to hear me.. It seems alone...
Sometimes I didn't get a single missed call or a sms from friends then it seems I'm very much alone... Sometimes I cry for it..
When everyone has permission to go out, but for very caring parents I'm not allowed to do so.. It really really feels alone...

I don't like to be alone but it's true that I am alone than any other of my friend... Everyone can go out.. Play with others can enjoy their afternoons on riverbank, can do everything they want and freely... I can't do that... I am not a deformed boy.. And so it is more distressing to me not to have such freeness.. Only who is suffering can feel my sorrow.. I'm alone cause no one can understand my feelings.. Not my parents also.. I'm completely alone of my kind...


But the man is also really alone.. Man can use his science and technology in development of others but cannot share cause man is the only one of its own kind.. We are really alone.. If something happen to other we are there to attend them.. If that happen to us no one there to attend us... We did not find out a single intelligent life not only in earth but also anywhere till now.. So we should be more cautious about that yes we are alone and if we will be busy in internal quarrel and kill ours and humanity then in evil time there will be no one to save life and save us... We are alone so our duty is much more vast, we are responsible for saving us and also much more than this... Saving life from all the bad, and inspite of doing that we are making our earth more comfortable for ourself and more dangerous for other life.. We should remember here that WE ARE SUPREME POWER HERE.. WE ARE HUMAN..
So we should do only that what is important not only for our prosperity but also for well being of our all life..IN EARTH.

thank you Nader

Bright Star

Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art--
...Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
...Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
...Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft fallen mask
...Of snow upon the mountains and the moors--
No--yet still steadfast, still unchangeable,
...Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
...Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
...And so live ever--or else swoon to death.

Reality

In the cruel world of love
I've learned that-
Promises are not CONTRACTS
Big hugs are not BONDS
Kisses are not ASSURANCES
Sweet words are not GUARANTEES
Big smiles are just FORMALITIES

And that nothing is permanent in this life..

One day she's mine
The next day she's gone

Last day she was sweet
The next morning she's insensitive..

Love hurts
Feeling fade
Relations end

Loving someone is not always about fairy tales and fantasies..

It's about truth and realities..

I don't know!

I don't know!

March 10, 2011 at 12:17 am

"Sometimes silence is most beautiful expression to convey your message.. It is the hardest part.. To understand.. When you are touched, say thanks, to the dear one, they ask you "why?". You say "nothing" for sure.. When the dear one hurt you some way, asks "what happened", you say "nothing. I'm fine." or may be "leave me alone." You know sometimes people I personaly really care about, think I don't understand these. May be I realize everything very slowly, but I understand.. When I do wrong, I too myself get hurt.. I fear to loose them whom I love(or atleast try to love, as a friend, as a brother, as a son, as a cousin whatever).. But a day come in my life when I loose all of them. Them, probably only whom all I had cared about someday.." How they manage to forget me. I let them go..yes I never tried to hold that tight. I can't. As I can't fight with you. I never learned to fight.. Sorry.. But honestly, in my life without all of you I'm no one.. You may not see it, because I am so lazy to show this.. But I feel the absence.. If anyone of you are reading this..this is for you.."I REALLY MISS YOU A LOT..IN MY LIFE.." I expect you to stand by me every second... I can't walk alone anymore.. I will die..to do so.. Forgive me..I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT PLEASE FORGIVE ME...for all that wrong I have done, and come back... I'm waiting only for you.. :">

FEW LOST LINES!

This was posted on notes again and also when I was so sad.

 

Few lost lines!

February 22, 2011 at 12:11 am

 

 

:) Some conditions came in my life when I don't get to know what is the actual thing I should do at that time.. Sometimes, it brings tears, sometimes it brings smile, a smile of relief, a tear of suddenly lost hope.. Which one to express? I am confused too.. Both are strong as well.. Sometimes people think I'm mad. They see the smile of no reason in my face. Actually they see the smile, they can't see the reason, because they don't understand me. And the no of them is quite big... Really big.. This is why I'm all alone, having everyone around me, still alone.. :) I'm happy because there is no one to bother me so much.. And the sad thing, the toughest, painful, truth of my life is that sometimes I want to be bothered by someone. I find everywhere around me, but I can't see those eyes, see those smile which I really need.. :) I miss someone.. Not because I lost her.. Not also for the fact that I never got her.. I miss her because somewhere still I have hope, that a day will come when she will understand me..SOMETIMEs tear automatically comes out of my eyes.. The pain starts.. I tried to forgot the pain.. I tried hard.. But you can never forget the one you had ever wanted in your life..honestly.. I can't.. Today I just felt at the lonely road "IF you were here with me now!" again tears come out.. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU..NOW THEN FOREVER..

My love story

It was posted in my old facebook account. :)))) In notes section.

My love story

January 4, 2011 at 10:02 pm

 

I wrote it after some emotional break down and was actually meant for my first crush. :D The first feelings of life for someone. That is unforgettable. =)) Life was so different then.

No.. It's not for you..yes I'm telling you.. It's not for you because you want a romantic story.. It's not for you because you want to know about my girlfriend.. It is for you if you want to know if I ever loved someone.. Hello this is my own story so let me tell you, I don't have a girlfriend.. I neither have a romantic story to refresh your mood.. Still wanna listen, then you have to understand me. I have seen her, reflecting everyday behind the mirrors in my dream, smiling at me. How beautiful is that smile you cam ever imagine. I have seen her on the bank of the river milkyway, silent, alone, thinking such deep.. I put my steps forward..not disturbing the mood.. Sweet cool air flowing..and a scarlet sun is giving wink in between the two leafs of the old banyan tree, touching her with it innocent light. She is looking beautiful..like an angel.. I ask why are you silent, sitting alone in corner, she says "i was waiting....waiting for you". "I thought you will not come, I miss you" "then, when you wanted to know, I couldn't tell you, coz I was afraid" tears falling drop by drop.. Then her head comes down to my soulder and my ears felt something "I love You, too". THEN I WAKE UP. EVERYDAY. SHE ALWAYS STAYS IN MY HEARTS. ALWAYS. YOU DON'T KNOW, I STILL LOVE YOU.

@me

@me:

April 10, 2011 at 12:25 pm

You are a foolish. Yes you are. You may say "so what? It is not a fact that every human being have to be clever..like you". But you know you are making fun of yourself every single moment of your life.. Who are you? A simple boy. Your work is to gain knowledge.. Nothing more than that. But you go, talk with people, try to share with them, try to listen to them. Try to help. Why? For nothing. You interact with people, don't get bothered with all the nonsense they do with you. They make fun out of you.. Are you mad? Always letting them to play with you.. Why? You want them to laugh, to smile, to stay cool.. Why you smile when people smile? Why you drop tears when people cry? Don't do that.. Don't do.. You know you can't bear the pain.. Then why you fall into love with those people, who never try to understand you.. You are useless.. They only want you for their work, or to entertain them at free time.. You don't understand that love means nothing to them, they only know what to get, how to get.. Everytime you mix up your life with them.... U don't understand they don't want you. They don't expect you. Why you shed tears? You are no one except a funny joke to them.. Why you cry for those people? Don't.. Your tears are more valuable for your eyes.. Don't waste them for those people.. Don't cry. It is your fault.. You are the only responsible for all this. World don't know the language of love.. You remeber, people will never get to know that there is someone who really love them.. Care about them. Forget to love, cause true love always gives you pain.. Forget..

I FEEL FOR IT

Good or bad! What do you think you are? Being good is not always enough to get whatever you want, to achieve all that you what want. Also, being bad is not so bad enough that you can't deserve a good in return. I mean isn't it so confusing? Being good is not everything that worth to be rewarded. Neither being bad is not always worth to be suffered. We are more like coins. If one side is good the other side must be bad. Else how the hell in this world we survive? As per as everything needs a perfect balance. That's the way we are. Don't always hate the bad. Just give it another chance. Who knows someday the worst thing in your life will not become the best thing you will ever have. Who knows? You?